bratwurst=sp4m

A man walks into a bar.  He sees a sign that says "Fulfill three tasks, when a million dollars."  He asks the bartender what the tasks are.  He replies "First, you must drink this gallon of teqiula in one gulp, then you must go outside and pull an alligator's tooth, and then you must go upstairs and have sex with a 50-year-old virgin."
The man thinks it over, and decides it's beyond him, so he just orders a drink.  A few hours later, he's good and drunk, and he decides to give it a shot.  He slams down the tequila and heads outside.
They hear a lot of screaming and roaring, which they assume is normal for a tooth-pulling.  They wait an hour, but the man doesn't come back in.  The bartender sends his waitress out to see what's going on.  She comes bak in with the man's severed arm:"I...I think he t-tried to, uh, fuck the alligator!"
The bartender buries the remains and orders her never to speak of it again.

Take a joke, and change it to end in a way that it might turn out in real life.
For example:
A duck walks into a store, gets some chapstick, and asks the clerk to put it on his bill.
The clerk is an Indian immigrant who does not speak English, but he knows ducks do not speak.  He gets to his knees and begins rocking back and forth in fright, wondering why God is punishing him.
The duck gets annoyed, puts down the chapstick and walks out, wondering why he'd need it anyway, since he doesn't have lips.

c-c-c-combo breaker!

A DS just doesn't seem like the proper tool to be writing a dissertation with...

Meecrob

1-Milwaukee's a liberal arts college, so English is required along with your major, and you get degrees in both.  I love English anyway, so it all works out.
3-Only til I get married

First off, I'm majoring in Computer Science and English.
Second, I am still a virgin.
Third, I plan to remain so.
4th, Who would buy my virginity?

Best advice I've ever gotten
Thanks.

I just got my letter of acceptance today!  Now all I have to do is scrape together ten grand to pay for my freshman year...

We have queen, but not the Jackson Five.  We got some other motown group, and then Earth Wind and Fire.  What bothers me more about the american version is the volume of stupid kiddy songs, whose slots could have been given to better music, with more defined beats.  After all, there's only so many rhythms you can slap on to B-I-N-G-O.

Damn you.  The PAL version of Donkey Konga has a far superior soundtrack to the US version.  I'm stuck with crap like Campfire Medley and All The Small Things, while you get 99 luft balloons, and other less childish poppy crap.

I'm tall enough that they're not going to have much to bite.  At best they can nibble on my thigh, and if I'm wearing jeans, that's not a big deal.  Since my knees are right at 5-year-old head-level, it would be a simple matter to continuously knee them in the face, just do a jig with the same effects.  As long as they don't make me bend over (alter my center of gravity) or squat (expose my head to attack), I don't think they'd be an issue.  But as I've said, I'd really have to try it to see.
One day the holodeck will be invented, and we'll all get together and laugh at each other as we test this.  Then we'll get drunk, and decide to try it with just 5-year-old girls, and see who's the biggest wuss then.  And Devlyn will inevitably (spelling?) lose as they all pounce to lick the peanut-butter off of his face.

Find me 125 5-year-olds with consenting parents, and we'll see how many I can take.

Oh, how many.  Last time I was asked this question it was "Could you beat 100 5-year-olds".
I could probably take 125 or so before I went down.  And I'm not fat.  I've been lifting weights and whatnot, and I've actually got some muscle on me now.  Soon I'll be a muslcebound adonis!