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Dark Resurrection - Proof reading   (Read 6754 times)
Old Post January 22, 2007, 01:30:34 pm
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Shining Something *

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Dark Resurrection - Proof reading
Yup , another Dark Res-thread. by ....... erm ........ me of course.
This time I have some home-work for you guys.

This topic will be used for checking the text I plan to use in the game. Since english is not my first language, and I hate gramar and spellling errors [sic]  Wink

Soooo, it would be ace if someone could take a look at what I've written.
Note that some of the sentences have <item> , <character> , <amount> somewhere inserted. These 'markers' contain info about actions you performed. I've copied and edited it from the actual code to make it readable.     

(warning ... long post ahead.)

"welcome to my shop. how can i be of service ?"

"what would you like to buy ?"
 
"it seems you have an 'out of money'  experience."

"whom do you want to give the <ITEM> to ?"

"where will you place the <ITEM> ?"

"this slot is not available. please select another one."

<ITEM> was given to <CHARACTER> ". thank you for your patronage."

whose weapon do you want to repair ? "

"please select the weapon you want to repair. "

"you have selected an empty slot. please try another one."

"you have selected an item."

"this weapon is not made of mithril."

"the <ITEM> does not need repair right now."

"the <ITEM> is in need of repair. will you pay <AMOUNT>  gold to fix it?"

"you do not have enough moolah. so sorry."

"'clank'....'clank'....'clank , Phew..... .... ... .. .it's fixed."

"I have some very good deals today. Come right in."

"I'm so sorry. No deals today.","Please check back later."

"whose items do you want to sell ?"

"select the item you wish to sell."   

"you cannot sell an equipped item. "

"you cannot sell an equipped weapon."

"are you sure you wish to sell the <ITEM> for <AMOUNT>  gold?"         

" <ITEM> is sold for <AMOUNT> gold. thanks a bunch."

"welcome to the depot. my name is Pyle o'Junc. what can I do for ya ?"   

"the depot is empty."

"please select the item you wish  to take from the depot."

"who will deposit ?"

"what will <CHARACTER> deposit ? "

"you cannot deposit an equipped ring."

"you cannot deposit an equipped weapon."

"Sorry..... the depot is full."

<CHARACTER> deposited the  <ITEM> . thanks. I will take good care of it."

"Please select the item you wish to remove."

"are you sure you wish to drop the <ITEM> ?"

"no item selected. please try again."

<ITEM> is dropped. good riddance."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here are the item descriptions for the "LOOK" part of the depot.
Does it make sense in it's current form?

This list is based on items used in Shining Force F2. I used every item I could find , just for completeness sake. Some items may not survive the final version of the game or will have a name-change.

The "description1$" refers to the first line of text of the actual description.
The "description2$" refers to the second line of text of the actual description.

Both text-lines are written in such a way that it fits the text-panel it is written on.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ITEM DESCRIPTIONS------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Case medical_herb
   Description1$ = "restores 10HP to the character holding it"
   Description2$ = "or 1 adjacent to them. use on anyone."

Case healing_seed
   Description1$ = "restores 20HP to the character holding it"
   Description2$ = "or 1 adjacent them. use on anyone"

Case healing_drop
   Description1$ = "restores 30HP to the character holding it"
   Description2$ = "or 1 adjacent to them. use on anyone."
   
Case healing_water
   Description1$ = "restores full HP to the character holding it"
   Description2$ = "or 1 adjacent to them. Use on anyone."
   
Case healing_rain
   Description1$ = "restores full HP to all characters"
   Description2$ = "use on everyone."

Case antidote
   Description1$ = "cures the character holding it"
   Description2$ = "or one adjacent to them. use on anyone."

Case fairy_powder
   Description1$ = "cures the character holding it or 1 adjacent"
   Description2$ = "to them of poison or sleep. Use on anyone."

Case fairy_tear
   Description1$ = "restores 20 MP to the character holding it"
   Description2$ = "or 1 adjacent to them. use on magic users."

Case light_of_hope
   Description1$ = "restores full MP To all characters."
   Description2$ = "use on everyone." 

Case power_water
   Description1$ = "permanent attack increase."
   Description2$ = "att +5 - use on anyone." 

Case protect_milk
   Description1$ = "permanent defense increase."
   Description2$ = "def +5 - use on anyone."   

Case quick_chicken
   Description1$ = "permanent agility increase"
   Description2$ = "agi +5 - use on anyone. " 

Case bright_honey
   Description1$ = "permanent mp increase"
   Description2$ = "mp +5 - use on magic users only."

Case cheerful_bread
   Description1$ = "permanent HP increase"
   Description2$ = "hp +5 - use on magic users only "

Case running_pimento
   Description1$ = "permanent movement increase of 2"
   Description2$ = "mov +2 - use on anyone who has been promoted"

Case brave_apple
   Description1$ = "character goes up 1 Level"
   Description2$ = "use on anyone."

Case quick_ring
   Description1$ = "equip for agi +5"
   Description2$ = "use on anyone."

Case protect_ring
   Description1$ = "equip for def +5"
   Description2$ = "use for boost lv 1. use on anyone."

Case power_ring
   Description1$ = "equip for att +5. use to temporarily"
   Description2$ = "increase characters att. use on anyone."

Case running_ring
   Description1$ = "equip for mov +2."
   Description2$ = ""

Case white_ring
   Description1$ = "equip for def +10"
   Description2$ = "use for aura lv 2 - use on HERO VICR "

Case black_ring
   Description1$ = "equip for att +10"
   Description2$ = "use for blaze lv 2 - use on SORC WIZ "

Case evil_ring
   Description1$ = "equip for att +15"
   Description2$ = "use for bolt lv 2 - use on SORC WIZ VICR "

Case life_ring      
   Description1$ = "equip to regain 5 HP per round."
   Description2$ = "use on anyone who is promoted."

Case chirrup_sandals
   Description1$ = "the wearer becomes one of the main"
   Description2$ = "targets in battle. Use on anyone."

Case shining_ball
   Description1$ = "cause up to 20HP damage with special attack."
   Description2$ = "use on any monster in battle."

Case blizzard
   Description1$ = "cause up To 33HP damage with special attack."
   Description2$ = "use on any monster in battle."

Case holy_thunder
   Description1$ = "cause up to 50HP damage with special attack."
   Description2$ = "use on any monster in battle."

Case angel_wing
   Description1$ = "return to the last town you saved the game."
   Description2$ = "use on anyone during battle."

Case warrior_pride
   Description1$ = "promotes to special class 'baron' BRN"
   Description2$ = "use on warriors - WARR "

Case pegasus_wing
   Description1$ = "promotes to special class 'pegasus knight' PGNT"
   Description2$ = "use on knights - KNTE "

Case vigor_ball
   Description1$ = "promotes to Special Class 'master monk' MMNK"
   Description2$ = "use on priests - PRST"

Case secret_book
   Description1$ = "promotes to special class 'sorcerer' SORC"
   Description2$ = "use on Mages - MAGE "

Case silver_tank
   Description1$ = "promotes to special class 'brass gunner' BRGN"
   Description2$ = "use on archers - ACHR "

Case jewel_of_light
   Description1$ = "you need this jewel and the jewel of evil"
   Description2$ = "in order to get the force sword."

Case jewel_of_evil
   Description1$ = "you need this jewel and the jewel of light"
   Description2$ = "in order to get the force sword."

Case raft
   Description1$ = "to travel along rivers in southern parmecia"
   Description2$ = ""

Case wooden_panel
   Description1$ = "opens up the ruins under the tree in ribble."
   Description2$ = "use on the tree in ribble."

Case caravan
   Description1$ = "to travel along dried-up rivers,"
   Description2$ = "and for storage."

Case dry_stone
   Description1$ = "to get into the dwarven town on grans"
   Description2$ = "use on the river north of galam"

Case cotton_balloon
   Description1$ = "used to leave the desktop kingdom."
   Description2$ = ""

Case cannon
   Description1$ = "to clear the rocks at north cliff, also rohde"
   Description2$ = "can use it to become a brass gunner."

Case dynamite
   Description1$ = "used to clear the rocks at north cliff"
   Description2$ = ""

Case arm_of_golem
   Description1$ = "used to restore claude's power"
   Description2$ = "and make him join."

Case sky_orb
   Description1$ = "used to power the nazca ship. "
   Description2$ = "use on the nazca ship's Controls."

Case force_sword
   Description1$ = "used to open the mouth"
   Description2$ = "of the devil's head Statue."



Pfffffff, next section is the weapon-segment. (probably end of this week )
Thanks in advance.

 

Love is Grand , Divorce ..... a hundred Grand


Old Post January 22, 2007, 02:56:05 pm
#2
Administrator Shining Spammer *

Posts: 1,126

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Re: Dark Resurrection - Proof reading

"it seems you have an 'out of money'  experience."
"ir seems you are having an 'out of money' experience."

The rest seem fine.
Some of the item descriptions are incomplete (you mention the range in some but not others)
Also, for rings that are equipped by certain character classes you say "use on WIZD,SORC", maybe this should say "equip on" or "use by" depending on which one you mean.  If the item can only be equipped by the wizd/sorc classes, but used by anyone, then use equip on.  If the item can only be used by those, then I suggest "used by".

~Elvenfyre


Old Post January 22, 2007, 03:20:21 pm
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Shining Something *

Posts: 142

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Re: Dark Resurrection - Proof reading

"it seems you have an 'out of money'  experience."
"ir seems you are having an 'out of money' experience."


Ok, that can be fixed. Smiley

Quote
Some of the item descriptions are incomplete (you mention the range in some but not others)

Whoops....., I used the text which was supplied by Moogie. I'll check the data A.S.A.P. Thanks  Cheesy

 
Quote
Also, for rings that are equipped by certain character classes you say "use on WIZD,SORC", maybe this should say "equip on" or "use by" depending on which one you mean.  If the item can only be equipped by the wizd/sorc classes, but used by anyone, then use equip on.  If the item can only be used by those, then I suggest "used by".

Ermmm.... yes... I had to cut some of the text to make sure that all text fits within the text-panel.
So first I change it as you suggested. If that doesn't work then I'll create a new text-panel (should be easy )

Thanks for your help Elv  Wink   

Love is Grand , Divorce ..... a hundred Grand


Old Post January 22, 2007, 04:00:42 pm
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Posts: 1,096

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Re: Dark Resurrection - Proof reading
"to whom do you want to give the <ITEM>?"

"who will deposit an item?"

They're the only ones I changed. I'm sure you know about the capital letters and so on that need putting in, but grammar-wise there's not that much wrong with it; I saw much worse English from my pupils last year Wink


New Post January 23, 2007, 09:46:20 am
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Shining Something *

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Re: Dark Resurrection - Proof reading
Thanks Newts,

I've edited your changes.  Cool

And yes , I know about capital letters. I'm still changing the font I use, here's  the latest version BTW



To Elvenfyre:

Changing the last item-descriptions. So far.... so good  Cheesy

Love is Grand , Divorce ..... a hundred Grand


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